you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
