So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
