STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
