THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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