I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize