I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
