brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
