Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
