So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
