Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
