3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
pray to the hookup gods
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
