new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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