.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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