Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
pray to the hookup gods
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
