My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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