I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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