i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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