I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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