we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
