Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
