boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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