Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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