My friends, they love my intelligence
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
