How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Maybe he injected his testicle?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
