Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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