OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize