There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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