I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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