Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
please come you make the beer taste better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
