Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
