So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
