Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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