No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
