that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
