i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
