so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
