Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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