No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
