found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
