i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Life is so much better after having sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
