It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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