I think I died a long time ago.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
