Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
