I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
