I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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