Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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