I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
