I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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