why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
