We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my shit smells like andre
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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