He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
