I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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