u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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