Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
