is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
should my penis look like a turkey
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
