I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
