Whod you bang
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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