how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
