You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
