I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
