no, he came in my armpit
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
