I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
