How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
