I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
