I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
