You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
