Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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