just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
