I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
