how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
