Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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