Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
