In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
