you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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