god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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