so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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