apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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