How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
