Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
